Women are emotional. And seriously, nobody can understand a woman except another woman herself. So, as a woman myself, let me talk to you, my fellow women, in relation to our crazy emotions.
Let me start by saying that everything about us is beautifully created by God, including our emotions. We were specifically created as the "nurturer" and have the reproductive system to give birth to babies. With this God-given role as nurturers, we are designed to have strong feelings of love. We have a natural desire to take care of people and things.
Out of our nurturing nature comes the need to be protected by someone. Though we are designed to care for others, we are also created to be taken care of. This is where our desire for love and protection come from, and where our hunger for attention is rooted.
As children we already have all these emotions and needs in us. We begin to learn ways and means to get noticed, based on how the adults in our life treat us. If dad or mom notices us when we look pretty, then we get programmed to believe that it is our physical image that makes us get the love and attention we need. The opposite can be true as well. If during childhood, dad or mom made us feel unworthy because we were not pretty enough, then we were programmed to believe that it is our physical image that will make us feel worthy. In my case, I felt that being smart was the way to get my dad to give me more attention.
Everything we've been through from the time we were born up to the present has influenced our emotions and has more likely mired and misplaced what those emotions are really for.
I battled with insecurity for years and years, without even knowing how deep it was. I knew I had an issue with my dad when I was growing up as a teenager. I've complained about his not giving me the love I needed, and even blamed him for the wrong choices I've made, including getting pregnant and married at 19. After my divorce from that marriage, I blamed my ex-husband for his unfaithfulness.
I covered up my issues with a very confident facade. I didn't do this intentionally. I guess it was the only coping mechanism I knew. I really thought back then that I was okay. If past feelings resurfaced, I just dealt with it by making myself more confident. I worked hard, went to the gym regularly and became very physically fit, and I became pretty successful with my consulting business. This gave me the ability to provide well for my two sons.
Everything I did to cope with my inner emotional issues were all external. Even the self-help books I've read that taught me how to deal with my emotions were all superficial. They all taught me to project that image of self-worth and confidence without dealing with my deeper issues.
It took a situation that shook my business for me to cry out to God for help. Prior to that, I would pray every now and then but still have the ability to take over my situation. That day, I just felt so helpless. As I cried out to Him in surrender, I felt a sharp dagger pierce through my heart in a painful but soothing way. I was too tired to put up that confident face once again. He removed my mask and looked at me straight in my eyes, as if saying, "Look at Me. I will show you who you really are."
That was the beginning of a painful but beautiful journey towards my true healing process. And that healing process peeled me off layer by layer.
As I began to heal from my deep-seated issues of insecurity, I also began to see myself for who God really created me to be. I realized that everything about me was placed by God in me, but was simply misplaced because of my experiences, which He used to bring me back to Him. Only when I found my security in Him did all the other things I've been trying to do, really worked for me.
Therefore, my fellow women, let me advice you, based from my own experience, to anchor yourself on God first, before you run to some self-help books, podcast, blogs, or teachings.
It would be so easy for me to say: "You are beautiful. Don't focus on the negative things you hear in your mind. Fulfill your dreams." Yet, by saying these, I will be shortchanging you. It may work for a season, but you will eventually reach a breaking point, just like what happened to me.
Your true healing will come only when you are desperate enough to be healed by the Great Healer Himself.
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