Just as there are no two people who are exactly the same, there are no two marriages that are exactly the same. Each marriage is uniquely crafted by God, with each person in the marriage having his and her unique individuality.
This is why there are no specific formulas for a good marriage. There are simply tips that others can share, and principles you can anchor your marriage on.
The key to a good marriage then is to understand the uniqueness of your own marriage, which starts by understanding who you really are, and who your spouse is. This is actually the most beautiful part about marriage … the “knowing” each other. Honestly, next to God, you are the only person who can really know your spouse.
The concept of the wife being taken out of her husband’s rib, as presented in Genesis 2 shows how connected a husband and wife are to each other. If you want to visualize further, it’s like God created your husband first and took you out of him … long before you even knew that each one existed.
I always joke my husband that God created him first, then took me out of his rib, and put him to sleep for 10 years before planting him in his mother’s womb (because he is younger than me … lol).
This means that the husband and wife are so intertwined with each other. They need each other to fulfill their purpose to the fullest. I’m not talking about a joint purpose such as a business together. I’m talking about the unique purpose of each one and how the other will help support and fulfill that. I’m also not simply talking about cheering each other on but how the uniqueness of one will complement the uniqueness of the other.
Think about that!
This is something that took me so long to figure out. My husband was making me into who he thought I should be; and I was making him into who I thought he should be. Doesn’t this sound so familiar? We look at other couples working together and we want to be like them, and wishing that our spouse was like the other one. This is the reason why people fall out of love or why they commit adultery. They look at the other person and feel that they’re more compatible with him or her. And to justify the wrongdoing, they blame their spouse for not being who they’re supposed to be. Yet, who they’re supposed to be is not the business of the other person. Who they’re supposed to be is who God created them to be. It is your role, as the spouse, to help the other one flourish in who God created him or her to be.
Ask yourself these questions as a guide in finding out the uniqueness of your marriage.
What are my strengths in terms of my character?
What are my spouse’s strengths in terms of his/her character?
What are my weaknesses in terms of my character?
What are my spouse’s weaknesses in terms of his/her character?
What are my three top skills?
What are my spouse’s three top skills?
What is my vision/dream in terms of my profession/calling?
What is my spouse’s vision/dream in terms of his/her profession/calling?
What are the good things people say about me?
What are the not-so-good things people say about me?
What are the good things people say about my spouse?
What are the not-so-good things people say about my spouse?
You can add more questions to these as you begin to answer them. You will see from here where the alignment happens, which also includes how you will balance each other out. This will then give you a bigger picture of your marriage, and how uniquely powerful of a couple you are.
Once you begin to see the uniqueness of your marriage, you will stop comparing it to what others have.
Even the trials you go through, though they may have similarities with what other couples are going through, are still uniquely different. Your trials are specifically for your marriage, to bring it to the place where God wants it to be.
This is what you should be working on: getting to that place … your ultimate destination here on earth … your unique purpose individually and corporately.
Think big and don’t get stuck on comparisons.
So, instead of telling your spouse to start working out like your friend’s husband; or to buy you a diamond ring just like what your friend’s husband bought for her; or to find a higher paying job just like your neighbor; or to dress up more nicely like the husband of your co-worker … tell your spouse that you want you and him to get to know each other better.
Let this be the beginning of a deeper knowing of how uniquely PATENTED your marriage is.
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