It was Mother’s Day, and I got a voice message from my youngest son. His voice was breaking, as he asked me to pray for his marriage. “I don’t want my marriage to end like this, Mom.” He barely said anything on his message as he only had a few minutes to use. He was in the Army basic training then.
My heart dropped and I began to sob. I knew this was something he had to go through on his own. It was his personal journey. It was finally his turn.
As if that was not enough, he was placed in holding after his graduation from training. Apparently, they were not done processing his papers. He was placed in limbo, without him exactly knowing when he was going to be released for the next phase of his training.
It was during this waiting time when he finally had his own encounter with God, something that his mom or step dad couldn’t do for him.
While he was on this journey, I had mixed feelings of grief and joy: grief because I felt his pain and know how it’s like; joy because I knew it would lead to something good.
I will never forget my own experience. It was in 2001 and I was expecting two huge projects to materialize. All I needed was for the written contract to be signed. Everything was good to go. I got a call from one client saying that they needed to back out from the project because of some unexpected labor strike. As if that was not enough, I found out from my other client that the decision maker was rushed to the hospital for a heart bypass. There was no way I could make him sign the agreement, not while he was fighting for his life.
I worked so hard to get those two clients, only to lose both of them in one day. It was so hard for me to accept what happened. Not me … not to someone who can always make things happen. This is not to mention the money I was expecting to get that was all gone. My helplessness and tiredness brought me down to my knees in surrender to God.
The woman who was so well put together on the outside finally broke down and realized how weary she was of trying to be strong, when in reality she was a very broken woman who used her career as a defense and coping mechanism.
That was simply the beginning of a process of mind shifting and healing from so many deep-seated issues … a process that cascaded down to my sons.
My youngest son was five years old when I had my personal encounter with God; so fresh and innocent, like a sponge who was always ready to receive anything his mom taught him. He went with me to every church service, ministry activity, and outreach. He read his Bible like an adult, and watched Christian TV shows with me. He knew God and loved God, but only because of what his mom taught him.
Like every adolescent and teenager, my son had his own taste of the temptation of this world. He had to learn things on his own, carrying with him what he has previously learned from me and his step dad. The choice was up to him.
He fell in love at 20 and married his 18-year old girlfriend. It was a young, impulsive love that he wanted to make right.
Though his step dad didn’t approve of it at the start, we both agreed that my son just wanted to do things right. He was serious about his decision and stood his ground of making this marriage work out.
Despite the doubts my husband and I had about the marriage, we still believed that God can make things happen. Despite the difficulty of getting along with my son’s then-wife, I still believed that God can change her.
That call from my son that day came as a surprise and not, at the same time. It was a surprise because my son never told me anything about his marriage; it was not a surprise because it was somehow bound to happen.
Of course, when my husband heard about it, his initial response was: “Had he listened to me.” And I remember telling my husband: “He has to go through this.”
I fought for my son’s marriage in prayer and even counseled his then-wife, only because my son wanted to save it. His fear of losing his marriage made him get down on his knees, the way I did back in 2001. He cried out to God out of helplessness. He couldn’t do anything on his own, not even with his mom’s help.
He called me one day and said, “Mom, my biggest mistake was not prioritizing God. I don’t care anymore what happens. I have God now.”
That’s when I knew that my son finally had his own encounter. Nothing mattered to him more than God.
In the end, my son lost his marriage but gained something so much better.
In one of our recent conversations, he told me that one reason why he was fighting for his marriage was because he didn’t want the same thing that happened to me, to happen to him. I got divorced from his dad when he was a year old. Yet, when he realized that his relationship with God was more important, he was able to let go.
You may be wondering what caused the divorce, and why a Christian like me will even approve of it.
Since I want to protect the people concerned, let me just say it simply …
God hates divorce, which is why He hates unfaithfulness.
I will leave it at that.
This is my son’s journey and he needed to go through it.
My youngest visiting for the holidays
As a single mom then
God's gifts to me
My sons ... 10 years apart
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