Is He the Right One for Me?
October 21, 2019
This article is for women but is also very true for men.
One of the things I’m often asked by single women is: “How do I know if he’s the one for me?” I guess we all want to know who is that right one, more so when we’ve already been in different relationships, including a previous marriage(s). We surely don’t want to repeat the same mistakes.
What I’m going to share with you is what I’ve personally experienced and what I’ve observed from other successful relationships.
There is an instant connection.
This is more than just a physical connection or sexual compatibility. In fact, that instant physical connection is very tricky. You can be so physically attracted to each other and not be connected at all.
This connection is also more than feelings. In fact, feelings can be very deceptive. If you are needy because of a break-up from a boyfriend, chances are when you meet someone, your heart will instantly feel connected.
This connection that I’m talking about is the stirring up of souls. You seem to finish each other’s sentences. There is no awkwardness in your communication. You know what to talk about without anyone trying to initiate a conversation.
This connection is not going to lead both of you straight to bed. The opposite holds true. Because of the depth of connection, any sexual impulse is pushed aside. All you want to do is get to know each other’s thoughts and feelings. Though you are so excited to be together, you don’t feel that you need to rush anything. Time freezes and you get caught up in the moment of simply being there for each other.
You have mutual respect for each other.
Because you are interested in each other and who you really are, there is no trying to make the other person different. You respect each other’s opinion, considering what each one has to say. You bring your respective goals to the table and hear each other out. You celebrate each other’s victories and are not in competition with each other.
Your visions are aligned.
If the person is the right one for you, your respective visions, dreams, and goals will be talked about. This is something most people don’t even discuss. A person who is God’s design for you will either talk about it, or will be interested to talk about it when you bring it up.
If you are unsure of your vision, then you’re not ready for a serious relationship that leads to marriage. You can’t be asking who is the right one for you if you are unsure about yourself.
I dated a guy who I was attracted to and who seemed like a good candidate for a husband. He was very sure about what he wanted in a wife and laid it down before me. It was his vision, among other things, that made me back off. It was not lined up with mine.
You have the same belief.
This is one of the biggest mistakes people make. They think that they can just convert the other person to their belief later on.
I’m a Christian … and I’m not just a Christian who goes to church every Sunday. In fact, I don’t even go to a church building regularly (this will be another topic). I’m a Christian who was raised in a religion, and discovered a true relationship with Jesus when I turned 33. That was life changing for me. Therefore, any man who does not share exactly the same belief, or does not come from exactly the same place will never understand me. This has always been my standard for a husband.
I’m not simply talking about a man who claims to be a Christian, but a man who came from the same broken place where I’ve been to and has experienced the power of God for real!
If you are the type of Christian that I’m talking about, the best way to find out where a guy is in his walk with God is to ask him to pray with you. Just by a person’s prayer, I would know where he is in his relationship with God. You know why? Because there’s nothing much to say to someone you don’t know. Yet, if you know someone and you love that someone, everything that will come out of your mouth will reveal that.
Your personalities and interests complement each other.
Complement is the word. You may be the exact opposite of each other, yet your strengths fit perfectly together, filling up each other’s weaknesses. This brings me back to the importance of an aligned vision. If you know your vision, and the guy knows his vision, then you can see from there if these visions complement each other.
What I’m going to share with you is what I’ve personally experienced and what I’ve observed from other successful relationships.
There is an instant connection.
This is more than just a physical connection or sexual compatibility. In fact, that instant physical connection is very tricky. You can be so physically attracted to each other and not be connected at all.
This connection is also more than feelings. In fact, feelings can be very deceptive. If you are needy because of a break-up from a boyfriend, chances are when you meet someone, your heart will instantly feel connected.
This connection that I’m talking about is the stirring up of souls. You seem to finish each other’s sentences. There is no awkwardness in your communication. You know what to talk about without anyone trying to initiate a conversation.
This connection is not going to lead both of you straight to bed. The opposite holds true. Because of the depth of connection, any sexual impulse is pushed aside. All you want to do is get to know each other’s thoughts and feelings. Though you are so excited to be together, you don’t feel that you need to rush anything. Time freezes and you get caught up in the moment of simply being there for each other.
You have mutual respect for each other.
Because you are interested in each other and who you really are, there is no trying to make the other person different. You respect each other’s opinion, considering what each one has to say. You bring your respective goals to the table and hear each other out. You celebrate each other’s victories and are not in competition with each other.
Your visions are aligned.
If the person is the right one for you, your respective visions, dreams, and goals will be talked about. This is something most people don’t even discuss. A person who is God’s design for you will either talk about it, or will be interested to talk about it when you bring it up.
If you are unsure of your vision, then you’re not ready for a serious relationship that leads to marriage. You can’t be asking who is the right one for you if you are unsure about yourself.
I dated a guy who I was attracted to and who seemed like a good candidate for a husband. He was very sure about what he wanted in a wife and laid it down before me. It was his vision, among other things, that made me back off. It was not lined up with mine.
You have the same belief.
This is one of the biggest mistakes people make. They think that they can just convert the other person to their belief later on.
I’m a Christian … and I’m not just a Christian who goes to church every Sunday. In fact, I don’t even go to a church building regularly (this will be another topic). I’m a Christian who was raised in a religion, and discovered a true relationship with Jesus when I turned 33. That was life changing for me. Therefore, any man who does not share exactly the same belief, or does not come from exactly the same place will never understand me. This has always been my standard for a husband.
I’m not simply talking about a man who claims to be a Christian, but a man who came from the same broken place where I’ve been to and has experienced the power of God for real!
If you are the type of Christian that I’m talking about, the best way to find out where a guy is in his walk with God is to ask him to pray with you. Just by a person’s prayer, I would know where he is in his relationship with God. You know why? Because there’s nothing much to say to someone you don’t know. Yet, if you know someone and you love that someone, everything that will come out of your mouth will reveal that.
Your personalities and interests complement each other.
Complement is the word. You may be the exact opposite of each other, yet your strengths fit perfectly together, filling up each other’s weaknesses. This brings me back to the importance of an aligned vision. If you know your vision, and the guy knows his vision, then you can see from there if these visions complement each other.
All these tips I gave you will only be tried and tested if you spend time getting to know each other. However, I don’t suggest wasting your time on someone if from the onset it is not working out. If there is even a single doubt in your mind, then don’t pursue it.
As a Christian, I recognize that the Word of God talks against ‘sex before marriage’. I’m not going to play ‘holier than thou’ because I was in my late 30’s and divorced when I met my husband. So, I was definitely not a virgin. However, I totally understand why God will advise against fornication. Sex before marriage ruins a relationship, for the most part. It does not give the two people the chance to truly connect first in their minds and hearts. It robs them of the ability to build a stronger foundation.
The foundation of any marriage should be friendship. And when that friendship is founded on God, it will be able to withstand any trial.
Check out my blog on “I MARRIED MY BEST FRIEND”.
As a Christian, I recognize that the Word of God talks against ‘sex before marriage’. I’m not going to play ‘holier than thou’ because I was in my late 30’s and divorced when I met my husband. So, I was definitely not a virgin. However, I totally understand why God will advise against fornication. Sex before marriage ruins a relationship, for the most part. It does not give the two people the chance to truly connect first in their minds and hearts. It robs them of the ability to build a stronger foundation.
The foundation of any marriage should be friendship. And when that friendship is founded on God, it will be able to withstand any trial.
Check out my blog on “I MARRIED MY BEST FRIEND”.
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LISA MAKI
Simplify to Intensify (c) 2019 |